Who is Slade?
by MaudlinFoibles
Summary: Robin, thinking a little too much about Slade. Take a look inside his head...Takes place after Terra's death, but before Raven's birthday. OneShot. Well, now it's a TwoShot...
1. Contemplation

**A/N: Okay, so I edited this a bit. I thought it needed a little tweaking. And thanks, SwordoftheKing, for the constructive criticism. Much appreciated!**

There was a new case…but there was always another case. There was a slippery villain…but all villains are hard to get a hold of before they do anything major. The evidence had Slade written all over it. Except that Slade was dead and gone.

He had suggested the idea, and, as expected, Titans told him it was impossible. He gave reasons that supported the idea. They told him he needed rest. He persisted, and they knocked him out and locked him in his room. He knew when he woke up that he could just break the door down, but he would only end up strapped to a hospital bed if he continued acting as if he were insane.

Robin knew he should trust their judgment. He knew from experience that he was overreacting. But he couldn't let it go. Perhaps it was because the excitement over Slade had never left him, knowing that no matter what, there was a small chance that he could come back. _Who would want him back?_ Starfire had asked him that once. He didn't have an answer then, and he didn't have one now. All he knew was that the man still haunted him, and nothing could rid him of the painful memory of being his apprentice.

Or being Red-X. He shuddered when he thought of when he had been on the other side of that mask, partially because it had been a mistake he could never forgive himself for, partially because of the thrill it gave him. It was the thrill of being someone else, someone who could do wrong and not be thought less of for it. There was a thrill when he stole something, when he fought and ran from the law. The thrill of taking the risk of getting caught, of having the upper hand with none of your reins in the foe's hands. No one had any leverage on you, or could make you do anything. You didn't have anything to care about but yourself and the moment you were in, you didn't have to bother with the future.

Yes, Robin understood the other side of the game he played, but his morals, friends, and past held him down as a hero. Nevertheless, there was one thing else that his life of crime had showed him. Being the bad guy and self-caring was easier than being the hero and saving everyone's life. He intended to prove that he was strong enough to be the hero. He didn't like weakness, one more thing he had in common with Slade.

_No. Slade was dead and gone. He isn't coming back._ But why did Robin harbor such a fear, an obsession for him? Because when Robin looked at Slade, he saw himself taking the easy way out, showing everyone else that he couldn't handle being the hero. To him, taking Slade down was the only way to show that he was strong enough, that Slade was weaker.

But whenever he thought of any of his encounters with Slade, and how his enemy had always had the upper hand, it made him wonder if he really was stronger. Slade was the only one who could make him lose control; the only one who had ever bested him. Slade could twist things around like no one else; confuse him so badly that he didn't really know who he was anymore. Red X was proof of that. His mistake and confusion drove him into denial; first about his similarities with Slade, and then about his heroism. He pretended to be strong, to know exactly what it meant to be a hero. But on the inside, he was still struggling. Slade had a way of uprooting every moral, every law he had ever been taught, and then laughing at his confusion as he tried to grapple with things he had never even considered. Slade could get into his head; he could see exactly what made the Boy Wonder tick, and how to destroy it. And in the end, Robin was lying to himself just to keep from falling apart as uncertainty forced his world to fall apart around him.

All he wanted—no, all he _needed_, was another chance at his tormentor. He knew that when he could defeat the thing that had psychologically shook him up so brutally, he would be able to put everything back into place. At least, that's what he told himself. But truth or not, he never had that chance. Terra stole that from him.

No, he didn't dislike Terra for that. She had just as much right to finish the man as he did, for Slade had done more to her than to Robin. He had physically controlled her. But Robin still wished he could have been the one to end his nemesis' life. He was ashamed to admit it, even to himself, but he secretly wanted Slade back so he could have his chance. Slade was the method to his madness, an excuse for when Robin went out of control. He hated not having something to focus on, a challenge tough enough for him. Slade was the only person who made had ever made him lose his confidence, and Robin wanted to know everything about him. But that chance was gone, and he could barely recognize the thought for what it was, but…he wanted Slade back.

He waited until they came to check on him. He told them that he was fine. They didn't believe him, but they let him out. Used to their distrust, he simply went on patrol alone. The Titans thought he was searching for Slade in abandoned buildings; but Robin was searching inside himself.


	2. Realization

**A/N: Alright, so it's not a one-shot anymore. I just had another idea, and went with it. Kill me. This needed to be written.**

**IMPORTANT: Most of this is a dream of Robin's, which is why it's in italics. Everything in double quotation marks are quotes from the actual show, basically memories floating around in Robin's head. Everything in single quotation marks are Robin thinking. The bold is what Slade says.**

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* * *

**

_A row of four monitors, each marked with the name of one of the four other Titans, showing a picture of the blood vessels and a readout of vital signs. Every cell carrying a device along with it: tiny metal spheres, marked with Slade's S._

_"You can't control them. No matter what you threaten, they'll never obey you." My words turn sour in my mouth as I look down at myself dressed in Slade's uniform._

"_**This isn't about your friends, Robin. It's about you. It's always been about you**."_

_My vision clouded—Cinderblock, Thunder and Lightning, members of the Hive—all stood over me, staring down—_

_"**Sending trouble your way. Leaving cryptic clues for you to unravel. I was testing you**."_

_Garbed in black, skull mask pulled over my head, jagged-edged cape billowing off my shoulders—that's not me…is it?_

_"**Excellent, Robin. We appear to be evenly matched and equally ruthless**._

_"I'm nothing like you!"_

_Terra, in her apprentice uniform, drifting upon one of her rocks through the broken city…_

_"You're a criminal, a psychopath! All you care about is destruction!" _

_Cyborg, Raven, Beast Boy, Starfire; all staring down on me in fear, sadness, disdain, hurt…because of what Slade made me…no…because of what **I** did…_

_"**And all you care about, you destroy**."_

_Why? Why did I have to lie to them? Why did I have to be Red X?_

_"**They're not your friends anymore**."_

_"Sooner or later, you'll let your guard down."_

_Terra, tears streaming down her face, large, pointed rock in the grasp of her golden powers, gazing down on Beast Boy—suddenly throwing the rock at Slade—the next time I saw him was when the lava was eating up his haunting mask…_

_"You **will** pay." But I won't be the one to make you…_

_"**You're going to keep stealing, Robin. And you're going to keep getting that thrill. And sooner or later—you will see things my way.**_

_"**Who knows? I might even become like a father to you**."_

_Of all the things he's ever said to me, of all the things he's ever done to me, these words dug the deepest. It was a crushing blow to know that he knew just were to hit me, physically and psychologically, and forced to be his apprentice was painful enough, along with his truth-twisting comments and questions—but to claim to be my father…that was the final push. I was no longer balancing on the edge, no longer disliked him, no longer simply frustrated that I couldn't take him down. Now it was personal. I was falling, drowning in hatred, loathing for him—there was nothing more he could do to me, after taking my freedom, my life, everything I had. Nothing could stop me from lunging at his throat—_

_Except that small voice in the back of my head; the one that I had stopped listening to a long time ago. But now I listened. Now I didn't have a choice. It reminded me that no matter what this man did, what he made me do, I was still a hero. He wanted to turn me into a criminal; wanted to show me how much easier it was just to give in. But I knew just how easy it was, and I had decided that being like him was to take the easy way out. I wasn't going to be weak. I was going to prove how much stronger I was by resisting, by being the hero I knew I was. He could take my freedom, my friends, my life—but he wasn't going to take me. I wasn't going to give him what he wanted._

_"I already have a father."_

_Words were fluttering through my head now, at breakneck speed, seemingly random. Sentences that lurked in my subconscious, never letting go, never letting me move on…_

_"**How can you save a city, Robin—when you can't save yourself?**"_

_'I'm drowning…I need help, but I can't ask…too absorbed in my facade of strength and well-being to tell them…to let them know…I'm not as confident as I thought I was….But I'll get better…I'll get better when he goes away…when he's gone forever…'_

_"**I won't stop. Not now, not ever. I am the thing that keeps you up at night. The evil that haunts every dark corner of your mind. I will never rest…and neither will you.**"_

_'I won't rest until you're taken down…until you're out of my head…they think I'm obsessed, that I need to get away to get better…but they don't know how deep you hurt me…'_

_"**Your friends can't see the truth, Robin, even when it's right in front of them.**"_

_'I'm alone…I thought I didn't need them…that I could handle it…but now it's too late for help…'_

_"**You always knew it was going to end this way.**"_

_"I've been fighting Slade for so long, I guess it's hard to just let it go. But sometimes I feel like I'm the only one still looking for him—the only one who can stop him."_

_"**That's precious, Robin. But I didn't come back for you**."_

_'So that's it? I want you to leave me alone, and you go after Terra…and then Raven…why can't you just stay dead?'_

_"**You can't always have what you want, Robin.**"_

_Terra, in Slade's uniform—we're battling it out—her last chance, that I promised Beast Boy—_

_"**This isn't about your friends, Robin. It's about you. It's always been about you**."_

_She thought she killed me…she thought she killed all of us…but she doesn't know us…_

_"**Sending trouble your way."**_

_…but Slade does._

_"**I was testing you**."_

_What if…what if Terra was another test?_

* * *

Robin woke with a start, words ringing in his head. He had always thought it…odd, that Slade had chosen Terra as an apprentice.

'Apprentice…' He suppressed a shudder. 'I hate that word…' In attempt to get over his experience at Slade's side, he had read over and over again the description the dictionary offered:

One bound by legal agreement to work for another for a specific amount of time in return for instruction in a trade, art, or business.

Despite the fact that none of what Slade did was legal, he had had to work for the man, and perhaps constantly sparring with him would gain him a little knowledge and experience. But this description did not fit Terra's predicament. Yes, she had been bound to him, physically, and worked for him, willingly, but being controlled was no way to learn to control her powers…right? And there was no way she was ever going to learn martial arts…

…had she in fact been another test?

…and if so…then to test what?

Robin glared at the door, tossing a coin in his head. Was he going to tell the other Titans about his new possibility?

No…he'd tell his friends.

* * *

**A/N: So yeah, I had Robin try to resolve his problem with the Titans. Didn't really want to leave you guys hanging like that. Aren't I nice?**

**But seriously, am Ireally out of itin thinking that it was weird for Slade to get Terra as his apprentice after we were so sure that he was after Robin? At first, I thought he was just thinking, 'hey, Robin didn't work out because his morals were too strong. Get someone I can easily bend to do my bidding, and I'll be set!' but then I was watching Apprentice part one, and when he said '_It's always been about you. I was testing you.'_ I was just thinking, well, what if Terra was another test? Like, maybe, testing Robin when he was up against an ex-friend. I don't know. Just a thought. Anyway, tell me what you think?**

Liobit


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